My Birthday Wish

For those of you who did not know, yesterday was my Birthday (May 28th). I don't mind sharing my age of 37, rather I am very blessed to have been able to celebrate this many birthdays. I am so thankful for the years God has given to me. More importantly the children God has allowed to come from my life and body. I feel that being a mother, something I have always desired and dreamed of has been one of my biggest joys and blessings.

My day did not start out as well as I had hoped. Many of you know of my pregnancy. Well I am now 10 full weeks pregnant and yesterday May 27 I started spotting again. My second time in this pregnancy. I may have over exerted myself on Tuesday when I took my children to the Zoo.

I woke up in the middle of the night with signs of bleeding and feeling of rapid heart rate. I knew I really needed to relax and most importantly relinquish my concerns and fears over to the Lord. I did so and began to praise God while trying to rest. Sing songs of praise and joy made my body more at peace and gave comfort to my spirit. Resting in my knowledge of knowing God's plans are supreme. I serve a Sovereign God and all my fears are gone.

I was also troubled by another concern weighing heavily on my heart. I have previously mentioned that my parents are divorced and my mother was planning her remarriage early this month. I was not in support of the remarriage b/c of my convictions concerning what the bible speaks about divorce and remarriage. I have not been in any communication with my mother for the past several months. Our relationship has been distant since I voiced my concerns at the end of last year. I believe in speaking the truth, even when the truth is not being followed or spoken by others. I knew by speaking the truth it would separate us even more than we already were. I just did not realize how emotionally affected I would become.

I did receive Birthday calls from both of my parents. I know that they both care, but my concern was deeper than that. I know that b/c of my convictions and lifestyle, my relationships with my parents has not grown but shrunk. In fact my relationship with my mother, was not really that close even while my parents marriage was intact. My dh says it is b\c of my convictions and that I am a reminder to her of what she knows is right and yet does not follow. Maybe, all I know is that my heart desires a closeness with my mother that God does not seem to allow. I am the only child out of the 4 she had that believes and lives according to the Bible. I have been rejected and continue to be rejected b/c of my faith and convictions. It is so emotionally hurtful and distressing to my heart. I know that God gave me my mother for a reason yet I still do not understand why. I wish she could see what a wonderful young woman I have become. A woman of noble character living by faith in Jesus. If only she could support and be available to show concern especially in moments like now. If only she could be so thankful to have me and my precious children in her life, but sadly she's not. These tender years only last a short while and sadly she is missing out on my little girls lives. Her presence is only there through cards on the holidays and random phone calls through the year.

Honestly, I shared these feelings with the Lord and told him how I felt slighted. Why would be give me to woman who doesn't appreciate me or show real concern of time and energy of value toward me and my children. Have I become such a disappointment to her b/c of my faith that any kind of personal relationship is not possible? Then it was as if God was speaking audible, that I heard him reply, "My dear child, I am your heavenly father and I am doing all of that and more, am I not enough?" I felt so ashamed for feeling selfish yet in that moment I could see how much love God has for me and continues to show me. A joy came over me and then I knew my desires for an affirming parental love were already established with my Father God. The desires for my mother were of the flesh and though they seem important may not be achieved unless there is a heart change. Being affirmed by God my father and his Love, is all that I need.

One thing I am sure of, perfect Love casts out all fear. God's love is not one that is rejecting or shows favoritism. Instead it is a love that is affirming, building up accepting to all even those who seem to not deserve it. God's love is ever reaching, ever encompassing, and everlasting. God's love Never Fails.

1 Corinthians 13
1. If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
2. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
3. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
4. Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
5. does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
6. does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
7. bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.
9. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part;
10. but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
11. When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.
12. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I shall know fully just as I also have been fully known.
13. But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 John 4:18-19

18. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.
19. We love, because He first loved us.

I want to share that although my Birthday is officially over, I am blessed to say I have received my Birthday Wish. Thank You to God my Heavenly Father, for being and showing me HIS affirming Love.