Comfort in the Healing Process.

Yesterday January 21, was a tough day emotionally. I seemed to have more moments of sadness. More tears falling in disappointment. I felt very overwhelmed with my emotions. Yet in the same day I was comforted the most since all this has happened.

Unknowingly an arrangement of flowers arrived and my husband notified me of their presence when he arrived home from work. I looked at the card and just could not contain the tears as they fell from my eyes. Some friends of ours had experienced a similar miscarriage 4 months before us. They were the thoughtful and concerned givers. My heart was so touched by their compassion that I just felt overwhelmed with love and concern.

Also in the same day some other friends who live 35-40 miles away came to town and brought over dinner, a little heartfelt and heartwarming gift and card. Not even aware of their intentions except for visiting. What a blessing it was to see the love and compassion from these dear friends.

It is hard to deal with disappointment. Even harder to feel completely and utterly alone. I am so thankful b/c I have loving christian brothers and sisters who are making my disappointment easier to handle. I am also even more thankful for my dear husband who has been so loving and understanding. He has tried to encourage me with helpful words and thoughts; thoughts that are made to make me smile.

Tonight was no different. My 5 yr old son was going potty after bible time and when everyone else was already asleep. He began having a conversation while in the bathroom. (Before he went to the potty, He overheard me sitting in a chair in his room, crying and praying to God.) He seemed to be really sharing his heart to God. I heard the last phrase or so and asked him what he was saying to God. I was so astounded about his answer. " I was praying to God to give us more babies. I want 4 more brothers and sisters." I asked him if he was sad about little Ezekiel Moses dieing. He said "Yes". I said "that is okay God will help us heal I said." I then took the time to pray with him and encourage him to Trust and believe God. I told him nothing was impossible with God.

I am so thankful to God for seeing me through this difficult time and for giving me our son Othniel. He has been a blessing and has facilitated the healing that God started even. My heart is mending b/c little Othniel has joy and hope and peace in his life. Trying to find the joy and peace in everything. Even and especially in the simple things.

There is a phrase that says, "Joy comes in the morning". I think however it can be thought of that "Joy can come in the mourning." Looking for positive uplifting things can help the mourning process be less bitter and more of a blessing.

I know that God does not promise us a life with out trials or struggles. However he does promise us that HE will not leave us during those times. He is constant and ever present even and especially when we are suffering a disappointment or loss.

I am Thankful for a God that never lets go. I am also Thankful to MY God who has plans for me that I can not see but knows that they are better plans for me than the ones I have for myself. One of my favorite verses is:

Jeremiah 29 :11 For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans for welfare not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

I know it seems hard to Praise God in the midst of the storm, but the storm does pass and then comes the Rainbow. I am waiting for the Rainbow.