Sacrifical Love.

As wives and mothers we usually put ourselves last. Everyone's needs are met and fulfilled before we even begin to care for ourselves. I am like that and probably most of my friends who are moms and wives would agree.

Why are we like that? Is is b/c we don't think about our needs, No. Is it b/c our families are so demanding we just have to get them off our backs by caring for them first, maybe. But could it be that we are just sacrificing our own needs briefly b/c we care so deeply and so much for our families. YES.

I dearly love everyone of my children completely and totally equally. I could not tell you which child is my favorite. I could not tell you which one I would miss more if they were not in my life. I could not tell you who loves me more b/c they all show me their love in there own individual way.

I also whole heartedly love my dh so much that I do not think I could withstand any trial or struggle with out him by my side. I have grown to love him so much more today than yesterday. Our relationship has really matured in the past 6-7 yrs than any other time. I know and believe it is all b/c of God.

It is b/c of God's love for us that we can even understand what true love is. Or even how to love the ones he has given us. Jesus in our example to be the best wives, mothers, helpmets and caregivers. He has shown us through his ministry how to teach those we care about. How to show how much we care, by putting others first. He has shown us how much we can recieve by giving of our selves, our time, and our hearts.

I know that God has a purpose for all of our lives. We quiet possibly do not know what that is. That is perfectly planned that way. God wants us to be surprised by how he plans to care, teach, love us through his word and actions of love toward us. (Also through faith and trust in HIM).

Sometimes it is hard to see or understand this. I even had a struggle with that myself. Especially when we feel he has treated us unjustly. I know that it is our human nature to look at the bad and feel sorry for ourselves. I know that sometimes a pity party seems enjoyable. Not so to God. It does not matter what we think we should have. He knows us better than we know ourselves, he knows what is best and sees what path is best for us even when we can not.

I struggle not just with grief b/c of the miscarriage, but with other feelings of sadness, enviousness and jealousy. I see others who either have little babies or are pregnant and just sink b/c in my mind I want that back. I hear over the grocery store intercom the advertisement of items and how beneficial they are to a pregnant mother and helping her have a great pregnancy. I just wonder if those advertisers realize that not all mothers are in control of what happens while they are pregnant. I know it is the hardest thought a mother has after a miscarriage, "what did I do wrong to cause this"? Why do we always suspect we are at fault? Could it just be that God knows what we need and granted that for us without consulting us. Does God even have to get our approval when he decides to work out his will in our lives?

My biggest thing is that I want what I can not have. I want my baby, I want to feel my baby growing and kicking in side my belly. I want..I want... I want...

God says, "No or Not Now". "I have other plans for you my child", replies God. He knows the pain is great, but no matter what we feel we have lost, HE has lost more. He knows our sorrow and especially what it feels like to give up a child or a son. He has given more. Why b/c he truly loves us. He sacrifices for us b/c that is what true love does, it is sacrificial.

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Jesus is the picture of true love. God is the best example of a sacrificing parent. Beautiful!